Fireflies
by VegaWriters
Summary: A mistake in 1994 lead to the best thing that could have ever happened to CJ. And then, ten years later, someone new comes into her life, someone who finally makes everything seem worthwhile.
1. Ribbons Undone

**Fireflies**

**By Shauna Kayleen Brock**

_Pairing: Technically, this is CJ/OMC. But, you'll get hints of CJ/Simon and CJ/Hoynes and even, maybe, a reference to the past CJ had with Toby. _

_Rating: I always label all of my stories Mature/Adult because I never know what's going to get written as the chapters go along._

_A/N: Technically, this is A/U. We all know that CJ doesn't have a kid. But, as in all my writing, I do my best to keep the storyline as cannon as possible, so, I'm hoping that by the end of this, you'll have forgotten the cannon. _

While not songfic, the inspiration for this story came after listening to Tori Amos' "The Beekeeper" album, specifically, the song Ribbons Undone.

Disclaimer: CJ Cregg is not mine, nor for that matter is Simon Donovan, Josh Lyman, Jed Bartlet, Toby Zeigler, or any of the other West Wing characters that show up in this story. Those characters were created by Aaron Sorkin and John Wells currently owns the rights and I only get to take them out and play on occasion and I don't make any money doing it. Elizabeth Cregg, Michael Bell, and any other original characters, however, are mine. Please respect them as such – after all, I don't make any money with these characters either.

Prologue 

"Elizabeth Annelise Cregg, get down here, now, or you're going to find out what it's like to be left behind by a presidential motorcade!"

"Mom, I'm here!" The seven-year-old hurricane barreled down the steps of the townhouse, skipping right over the last three and then coming to a perfect landing in front of her harried mother.

"Yes, you're here but you are still in your socks." As soon as the words were out, CJ regretted it. Her tone was enough to send the press corps running, and she was using it with her own daughter. "I'm sorry, Bethy. Take your time. I'm hardly ready myself."

"It's cool, Mom." Bethy pulled on the penny loafers that matched her private-school uniform and then took the backpack her mother handed over. "Can I get an extra cookie for lunch?"

"You're riding on Air Force One tonight," CJ laughed as she dropped an extra piece of candy into her daughter's lunch bag. "What else do you want?"

"A cookie?"

"Settle for a milky way bar. Come on, we're late." Barely remembering to grab her laptop, CJ threw all of her bags over her shoulder and followed her daughter and the secret service agent out of the building. She knew that Bethy thought this was a great adventure, being driven around by agents in a big black SUV rather than by her babysitter or the carpool, but to CJ, it was a nightmare. She couldn't get the picture out of her mind, the one that had convinced her to take the protection – the lens focused directly on her daughter that night they'd gone out with Hogan. "All right." CJ turned again to focus on her daughter. "Someone, hopefully me, will pick you up from school right at three-thirty and take you over to soccer practice. The agents will bring you back to the White House right after that, where you will be on your best behavior for the couple of hours we'll still be there." She eyed her daughter, "And when we board Air Force One, you will not harass the Press Corps."

"Aww. But Mom --"

"No buts." CJ laughed and tickled Bethy. Elizabeth just grinned. She knew her mother was only joking. She was looking forward to flying to Helsinki. She'd never been there – she usually didn't get to go on the trips that her mom took. If mom had to go out of town, she got to stay with Uncle Tim and Aunt Lisa. It was cool because Hogan would do her nails in different colors and tell her all about boys. But this time she got to go. And she knew that the President would tell her all about Helsinki and the flight and why they were going. And even cooler, Simon was going too. She didn't know why they suddenly had the secret service agents around, and she knew that it made her mom scared and unhappy, but Simon was really cool. He was funny and he could play soccer and basketball and he always had some gum for her.

As they pulled up in front of the school, CJ took one last minute to fix her daughter's long, black braid. Elizabeth really did look just like her father, and there were days when the reality of it hit harder than CJ liked. "Have fun today, honey. Learn many things." A pang shot through her as she watched her long legged angel run up the steps to the school, by the time she was at the top, the ribbons had come out of her braid. Elizabeth turned, waved to the SUV, and then raced off to meet with her friends.

CJ leaned back, watching as the school slipped out of view. She knew that somewhere in those halls, two agents kept a close eye on her baby, but there was nothing she could do to shake the fear she had every time Bethy was out of her sight. It was why she fought the agents so much – she was scared not for herself but for her daughter. She didn't need the protection, they all needed to be focused on Elizabeth.

"Hey, CJ." Josh graced her with a smile as they met up, walking in at the same time.

"It's late for you." She smiled back, punching her access code in.

"What's your excuse?"

"I needed to finish packing Elizabeth's stuff this morning."

"It's great that she's coming with us." Josh fell into step alongside CJ as they headed toward their respective offices. "She'll keep the President occupied, at any rate."

"That's why I'm bringing her. Elizabeth, somehow, has the patience to listen to his lectures." She chuckled and took the messages that Carol handed over to her and instantly sighed when she saw the top one. "Carol, is there anyway the two o'clock meeting with the Russian Press Secretary can be rescheduled?"

"It's been rescheduled three times, CJ, you have to do it before you leave." The assistant just shook her head and adopted the "Don't argue with me" tone that every senior assistant had with their bosses on a regular basis.

"All right." She looked at Josh again. "What did you need?"

"Nothing. Just following you."

"Well follow yourself to your office, I have a staff meeting to get ready for." She dumped her briefcase down on her couch. Only after Josh had disappeared did she poke her head back around the door. "Carol, see if the Vice President has any time today. I'd like to talk to him about something."

"Can I tell him what it is?"

"Just …" she sighed. "It's about his personal schedule. He'll know what I mean."

"Okay. And you have senior senior staff with COS in ten minutes."

With a nod, CJ ducked back into her office and closed the door. Before taking the time to unpack her briefcase, she slumped into her chair, allowing herself just a couple of minutes of silence before the world came apart yet again. Only seven-twenty and she was exhausted. The knock on the door caught her attention and Carol came in, holding a stack of messages, the daily wires, and a coffee mug. "The Vice President can see you around ten. I pushed your meeting with Toby to ten-forty-five."

"Thanks, Carol. Do I have the final itinerary for Helsinki in this pile?"

"Advance made another few changes late last night, the new one is coming."

"Great. And do me a favor, would you. Clear my schedule from three to four. I want to be the one to pick up Elizabeth."

"You've got Steve at three-fifteen and Chris at three-forty-five."

"Push them. They're parents, they'll understand."

"Okay." Carol tapped her watch and CJ jumped up, gathered her things, and raced off toward her boss' office. The world, her daughter, and her encroaching headache would have to wait. Right now, the business of the American People was the most important thing on her agenda.

TBC … 

_Copyright March 2006_


	2. Sleeps with Butterflies

**Fireflies**

**By Shauna Kayleen Brock**

_Pairing: Technically, this is CJ/OMC. But, you'll get hints of CJ/Simon and CJ/Hoynes and even, maybe, a reference to the past CJ had with Toby. _

_Rating: I always label all of my stories Mature/Adult because I never know what's going to get written as the chapters go along._

_A/N: Technically, this is A/U. We all know that CJ doesn't have a kid. But, as in all my writing, I do my best to keep the storyline as cannon as possible, so, I'm hoping that by the end of this, you'll have forgotten the cannon. _

While not songfic, the inspiration for this series came after listening to Tori Amos' "The Beekeeper" album, specifically, the song _Ribbons Undone_.

Disclaimer: CJ Cregg is not mine, nor for that matter is Simon Donovan, Josh Lyman, Jed Bartlet, Toby Zeigler, or any of the other West Wing characters that show up in this story. Those characters were created by Aaron Sorkin and John Wells currently owns the rights and I only get to take them out and play on occasion and I don't make any money doing it. Elizabeth Cregg, Michael Bell, and any other original characters, however, are mine. Please respect them as such – after all, I don't make any money with these characters either.

**Chapter One: Sleeps With Butterflies**

Something was different. Suzanne didn't know what triggered the feeling, or why, but something was different. Even in the way her husband slept, something was different. Slowly, she walked into the bedroom and looked around for something … she wasn't sure what but when it jumped out at her, she'd know. But everything was in place, right where it was supposed to be.

John stirred and she stilled, looking over at him. Her husband never slept on his back, he hated it, always claimed he couldn't sleep unless he was on his stomach or on his side. But there he was, the sheet tugged up to his waist, sleeping on his back, and his right arm flung out across the bed. In the dim light his already tanned skin was seemed smoother, and the hair on his chest called out for her to run her fingers through it. But something stopped her from waking him. Something wasn't right.

Trusting the light from the hall to guide her way, she searched the room silently, still not sure what she was looking for, still not sure that it would indeed call out to her when she had found it. The hamper was empty – the cleaning already taken by Maria for the day. She'd also dusted, changed the towels, and even set up new curtains to mark the New Year. Everything was perfect.

"Suzie?" John Hoynes rolled over and opened sleepy eyes. "What time is it?"

"Around eleven." Taking a deep breath, she turned and walked over to the bed. When John's fingers linked with hers, the feeling intensified, just for a moment, and then began to fade away. By the time his lips touched hers, she was chiding herself for her suspicions. As his arms snaked around her, welcoming her back to DC from her time at the ranch with the boys, the feeling dissipated like steam after a shower. And later, as John lay on his back, his right arm slung around her, holding her close against his body, she chalked the feeling up to the tricks of the moon and her own exhaustion from the flight.

**January 3, 1994**

**New York City, NY**

(2 days prior)

CJ Cregg was bored. It didn't happen often, especially at parties such as this, but she was definitely, out of her mind, beyond all reasoning, bored. For an event that she'd helped to organize, this was simply the single most boring party she'd ever been to. Of course, the Senators and Representatives were all having a fantastic time, and the fundraisers and lobbyists were lining their pockets and having legislation promised to them, but she was simply bored. Not even the champagne took the edge off tonight. She couldn't put her finger on it - the band was fantastic, the conversation was lively, but something was just out of place. Not one to admit that she believed in superstitions like the changing of the moon and the stars having an effect on one's mood, she blamed it easily on having spent the better part of the past three months talking to all of these people and their assistants. She was talked out. She loved politics, she loved these people but tonight she didn't want to know what they were working on, and she honestly didn't care. Yet, she still circled the room, laughing and charming every man (and more than a few of the women) into pulling out their checkbooks and writing another, larger check. The Democratic candidates loved it; the guests loved her.

Slowly she made her way to a crowd of Democratic congressmen and senators, smiling as they welcomed her into their circle.

"CJ!" Andrea Wyatt smiled at her fiancé's best friend. "Let me introduce you to some people I know you haven't met yet."

CJ chuckled and let Andi introduce her to a couple of freshmen congressmen, a sophomore Senator, and … her eyes locked with his. Her stomach churned and despite her sudden desire to focus on the champagne bubbles in her glass, she couldn't tear her gaze from his.

"John Hoynes, this is CJ Cregg, the media director for EMILY's List."

"A pleasure." CJ shook his hand firmly. "And, congratulations on your landslide victory."

"A pleasure to meet you as well, CJ."

The shiver moved from her stomach and ran up her spine when he said her name.

Blind to the obvious sparks flying between the Senator and Media Director, one of Andrea's congressional colleagues grabbed CJ's attention. "Ms. Cregg, why is it that EMILY's list continues to endorse candidates who have no chance of winning?"

CJ blinked, forcing herself to look away from John. "Well, Congressman Lewis, I don't know what to say to that completely false statement, as you are standing with two of our favorite candidates." She graced both Andi and John with her winning smile.

John laughed. "And I am quite glad for EMILY's List's endorsement." He took a step closer, still smiling at CJ, and she felt herself easily turn to stand directly next to him. The proximity, while innocent to some, sparked the heat that was running between the two of them.

With a smile, CJ glanced back over her shoulder at the Senator, "You could still be doing better on women's issues." CJ couldn't help but tease him, and the shivers were still traversing her body. Trying to step away was completely futile.

"Why, Miss Cregg, you came over here to chastise me?"

"I can if you like." She pulled away from his eyes and looked back at the group clustered around her.

John, somehow, took a playful step back. "No, Miss Cregg. Although I'm sure I'll be hearing from your offices soon enough on those very issues."

"Yes, you will." CJ laughed, but spied someone else she needed to talk to, and she welcomed the escape. John Hoynes was a married man and she knew that, and the chemistry was only in her head and created because she hadn't been with anyone in far too long. Her legitimate reason for tracking down Congresswoman Anderson allowed her to catch her breath – and to get another glass of champagne. She would drink this heat away. "If you will excuse me," she nodded to the group and slipped over to the other side of the ballroom. John tried to not make it too obvious he was watching her, but for the rest of the night, his eyes could always find her in the crowd.

Taking another flute of champagne, CJ pushed back a lock of her hair and made her way out to the balcony for some fresh air. What she had meant to be a fifteen-minute conversation with the Congresswoman had led to being trapped by her and ten of her constituents for forty-five minutes. January in Manhattan was pneumonia weather, but after the stifling air of the ballroom, she was glad for the nearly subzero temperature. The flu she'd contract later would make her regret coming out here in her spaghetti strap ball gown, but right now, it felt good to be away from the noise and air of the party.

A tuxedo jacket settled around her shoulders and she jumped at least five feet before turning around and looking into those entrancing green eyes. "Senator Hoynes," she smiled softly. "Um, thank you."

"You're welcome." John smiled warmly, doing his best to hide that he liked the way she looked tucked into his jacket like that. "What does CJ stand for anyway?"

She groaned at the oldest pickup line that men used with her. "Claudia Jean." And, as usual, she fell for it.

"Claudia …" The name rolled off his tongue and sent those shivers up her spine again.

_He's married, Claudia Jean, stop thinking about what it would be like if he kissed you. _She took a calming sip of her champagne, and a small step back. If she was standing any closer, she'd be in his arms, and that wouldn't look good on the cover of the Inquirer in the morning. "Did you have a good New Year, Senator?"

John smiled. "As good as playing politics can allow a new year to be."

She shared the smile, understanding completely. This was her third party in five days.

"I'm sorry for startling you a minute ago. You looked cold and I didn't want to see you get sick." He watched her mouth move to thank him, but he couldn't hear the words through the rush of air around him. The brilliance of her smile and the way it touched her eyes brought him a step closer to her. "The party is wonderful, Claudia Jean. I haven't seen so many happy colleagues in a long time."

From his vantage point at the bar near the balcony of the ballroom, Toby frowned as he looked for CJ. He couldn't find Hoynes either. An uneasy feeling settled into his stomach and a chill spread up his spine and across his body. He didn't like not knowing where CJ was – it was possessive and primitive, he knew, but he also worried. Especially lately. "What is it, Pokey?" Andi came up behind her fiancé and followed his gaze. Finding nothing, she looked back at him, an eyebrow quirked. That was his "CJ" face, and it always took every ounce of her self-control to keep her jealous demons at bay.

"Have you seen CJ, she's …"

His predictable question only gave Andi reason to roll her eyes. "Toby, she's doing her job and schmoozing important people. CJ's a big girl, sweetie, she doesn't need your approval to talk to someone."

He looked askance at Andi and sighed, seeing her jealousy. But she'd never understood his relationship with CJ. Wherever CJ was, she was doing more than talking and Toby knew it. He knew how she'd been feeling since her last break up with what's-his-name. No, this had the potential of ending very badly. "We should go grab her –"

"Toby." Andi sighed, wondering if he would ever put anyone else over CJ. If he didn't learn how to at least bring her up equal to the pedestal CJ was on by the time they married, she wasn't sure how long the marriage would last. "Toby Zeigler, I'm standing right here in a dress I bought for the express purpose of having you rip it off of me. The party is winding down and we have a hotel room reserved and waiting. Let CJ be an adult, for once, and you take me upstairs." Toby looked over at her, ready to argue, but he could only smile at the flare in her eyes. She was so beautiful, and he did love that dress – and decided to follow Andi's advice. But that nagging feeling in his stomach, a feeling he always got when CJ found a new man, just wouldn't let him be. Where the hell was she?

"The war chest coffers are full tonight."

"Yeah." John took a sip of his club soda and took a step closer to her, even while turning his attention out to the sculpture garden below them. "Can I ask why the belle of the ball is outside hiding?"

"Oh," she managed a flippant smile and tried to not stare at the lines of his muscles underneath his perfectly fitted tuxedo shirt. "I just needed some air. What about you, Senator? Shouldn't you be inside, schmoozing your way to a never ending war chest in preparation for your eventual presidential run?"

He chuckled. "I was out here hiding long before you were. This is my third fundraising dinner in five days. I've forgotten what my office looks like. My wife has just stopped coming - she wants to make sure the kids remember one of their parents."

At the mention of his wife, CJ took a small step back, trying to put a bit of distance between their hips. "Somewhere, in my apartment, there's a dog who thinks that his mommy is really the neighbor. I just pay rent to keep the roof over his head."

John chuckled, and stepped closer again, not quite sure what he was doing or why he was doing it. Never in his life had he thought about another woman other than Suzanne, but ever since he'd laid eyes on CJ Cregg tonight, he'd been wondering about the road he willingly chose to take after high school. He loved Suzanne, but she was all he'd ever known, and just the thought of seeing more of CJ made his blood race. He wasn't sure if it was the soft light from the ball room on her hair, the reflection of the garden fountain in her eyes, the curve of her fingers around the champagne flute, or just how sexy she looked there, in that low cut, high slit spaghetti strap dress, but he was entranced, and wanted more.

CJ didn't step back this time, even though she knew she should. But his eyes were still searching hers and he seemed so causal and comfortable there in just the tuxedo shirt - despite the chill in the air, and the way his long fingers curled around his glass made her wonder just would it would be like to have them curling up inside of her. What she was thinking was a bad idea - he was married, with children, and given his position and her position, they were bound to be discovered. Rumors circulated already that he was a womanizer; she didn't need to add to them. He was married, and she had her own feelings on women who pursued married men, but she couldn't look away from him.

In his mind, their lips were already touching and his hands were sliding up her thighs and under the dress - those legs had to be endless. But he just smiled at her, "Do you spend a lot of time up here in New York?"

"Not enough," she chuckled and contemplated stepping away from him. "I do like DC better."

"There is something special about that city." He nodded toward the stairs that led down into the gardens. "Care for a walk?"

CJ just looked at him for a long minute, wondering if he was this charming with all the women in his life. But her heart (and her libido) overruled and she nodded. "All right." Inside, the party dwindled down, and no one noticed the two of them slip down the stairs and into the shadowed garden.

"So," John offered her his arm when they reached the bottom, "is there a Mister Cregg?"

"My father and brothers," she laughed and leaned against him as they walked. "I remain single."

"A common trait with so many women in Washington. Why is that?" He felt her shiver slightly and the movement against his body sent heat through his veins. Standing this close to CJ, John didn't need the coat she was wearing.

"Because men are scared of smart, powerful, political women?" She shrugged, thinking of the words of her last boyfriend – before he'd run off with the German super model.

"That's idiocy. What's the point of having a partner in life if she isn't an equal?"

Detecting a hint of sadness in his tone, CJ looked at him carefully, "This is probably far too personal to ask, but is your wife an equal?"

He looked at her, and the air changed completely around them. What had been tense and sexual relaxed as she somehow managed to knock on a door in the wall that surrounded his heart. Without even thinking, he let her in. "For some reason it isn't too personal. Maybe it's because we're strangers." He diverted his eyes back to the path so they wouldn't walk into a sculpture. "No, Suzanne and I aren't equals - not in the way I thought we would be. She belongs back on the ranch, with the kids, she's happiest there. She's smart and she's good at what she does at home and I love her, but ... it's not there, ever since my political career became more than a dream, it hasn't been equal. It's hard."

CJ just nodded, absorbing the admission. Her fingers tightened on his arm. "I'm sorry."

Josh shook his head. "Don't be. I made my own bed and don't get me wrong, she's wonderful. But she's not cut out for where life has taken us."

CJ stopped walking to touch a night blossom. It was easier than looking into his eyes. "Maybe we should steer away from personal conversation, hmm?"

John ached, wanting to touch her fingertips as she touched the winter flower. His hand slid down her arm and he linked their fingers, "What, and revert back to the same boring conversations going on upstairs?" He chuckled and raised her hand to his lips, kissing her knuckles softly. "I'd rather dump my personal problems on you."

Her laugh was soft and she tilted her head at him. It was so nice to talk to someone taller than she was. No matter the dresses and the makeup, her height always made her feel gangly. The men in the room always hated to have to look up to a woman, and after a while, she got tired of slouching as to meet their eyes. But John was the perfect height; when their eyes met, there was no neck craning. "Whatever is said here tonight stays here then?"

"Yes."

She set her champagne flute down on a bench and took his arm again. "Maybe it's still better if we stick to birthplace and alma mater."

He laughed. "Houston, Texas. And then, UT Austin, for my bachelors and masters."

"Dayton, Ohio. And, Cal Berkeley, same." She chuckled. "What was your major in?"

"Business. But I got my masters in Public Policy. You?"

She laughed again, "In full, stereotypical feminazi fashion, I got my bachelors in Women's Studies."

"What is that exactly? I always have visions of the study of the female form..." He laughed when she hit him.

"My masters is in public administration and my doctorate is in mass communications and polling."

"I'm speaking to a woman with a doctorate? Wow, can't keep you women down at all."

If she hadn't known he was joking, she'd have smacked him. Instead, she just laughed. "Not on equal footing anymore?"

"Nope. In fact, Miss Cregg, you're making me a bit nervous."

"It's Dr. Cregg." She chuckled as they came to a stop again, and didn't push him away when their lips connected.

The kiss was everything the fairytales talked about - out in the moonlight, in a garden, deep in the shadows where no one could find the prince and princess. It was sweet and full of promise, despite the guilt that lingered when they pulled back. John's fingers traced her cheek, down her neck, down the straps of her dress, before he leaned in to kiss her again, this time with more passion, and far less guilt. He cupped her breast through the silk of her gown; she tightened her arms around his shoulders. "CJ..." he moaned as he pulled back, trying to still his body's reaction to hers. "That was ... inappropriate. I'm sorry."

"Are you?" Right now she really didn't care about the wedding ring on his hand. "I don't want false platitudes."

"I don't want to give them." He touched her lips. "I'm not sorry, but I still shouldn't have done that."

At his admission, she stepped back and consciously separated their hands. "I need to go back upstairs, the party will be winding down, and that's where I go back to work." She gave him a soft smile. "People will be wondering where we got to."

John offered her the same, almost sad smile and then his arm. "If you'll allow me?"

"Of course." She took his arm and walked with him back up to the balcony, doing her best to stare at the flowers, the sculptures, the stars; anything but him. At the door, she offered his jacket back, and walked in first and right back into the waiting arms of her staff, all of who were preparing for the end of the party. Luckily, no one had missed her, and no one appeared to have seen her with John.

"Hold that elevator!" John called as CJ stepped inside the mirrored box. Swallowing hard, forcing the lump down in her throat, CJ turned and held the door open for the Senator from Texas. Somehow, she wasn't surprised that he was here and a part of her hoped that he'd been waiting for the party to end. CJ wasn't quite sure what was happening here, but the butterflies in her stomach, butterflies that had settled after the kiss and hadn't gone away, those butterflies felt right and she went with them.

"Good," she laughed as he stepped into the box with her, "I had a question for you about the oil industry."

"Shoot." John looked into her eyes and smiled again, as entranced as he hoped that she was.

"Well," she stepped back as someone else came onto the elevator. Part of her was relieved, and while John hit his floor, she hit hers, and the new passenger also chose a floor, she did her best to keep her distance. She leaned back against the mirrors and tightened the wrap around her shoulders, "How is it that someone who made his fortune in the oil industry calls himself a Democrat?"

John laughed, loud and comfortable. He leaned back against the mirrors and smiled at her. "First off, I believe in the power of the domestic oil fields. Our own oil reserves have shown a good return and the energy industry here in America is a growth industry. Our scientists have the ability to lead the way in new, greener technologies. Also, I don't believe in holding onto our dependence in the middle east." They both let out a breath as the other passenger exited. "It also has to do with knowing where to invest, when, and knowing the difference between right and wrong when dealing with these people. Just like politics in America."

CJ laughed. The elevator doors closed around them and John's hand covered hers. "Why don't you come on up to my room. We can finish our conversation." When she paled, he only shook his head, "It only has to be conversation; we've shown that we're good at that." He took another step closer, his face inches from hers, "Unless you want it to be something else…"

"John …" she whispered. "We can't do this." _Please kiss me again. _Her knees were weak.

"No one has to know …" he smiled. "And who said anything would happen." He nuzzled at her, "You smell amazing."

CJ just leaned in and let their lips touch. He took it from there, kissing and exploring until the door opened on his floor. They managed to separate before anyone could see them, and through sheer force of will, they kept physical distance between their bodies on the way down the hall to his room. The only reason the hotel door locked was that CJ remembered to reach behind her to snap the bolt. John's fingers were too busy tugging at the zipper of her gown and then caressing the soft flesh inside. "God..." she moaned. She wasn't used to being touched like this - this reverence inside of passion. She pushed the tuxedo jacket off his shoulders and her own fingers fumbled at tuxedo studs while they hastily undressed each other. Both of them knew that if they spoke, reason would take over and this wouldn't continue. They needed this to continue.

Flesh connected with flesh, her breasts against chest, while together their fingers explored and pushed clothing away.

She expected the silence to be uncomfortable, but the afterglow was companionable and gentle. He ran his long fingers through her hair while his right arm held her tightly against his body. It still took a long time for either of them to speak.

"What are you thinking right now?" He asked after planting a kiss to the top of her head.

She looked up into those beautiful green eyes and sighed. "I'm wondering if you do this with all the long legged fundraising planners."

"No." His fingers moved from her hair to her cheek. "No. I've never..." he sighed softly. "I've never done anything like this before."

"I don't know if I believe that, John. Your way of coming onto me..."

"I'm from Texas. It's charm. I ... I'd be lying if I said that I didn't want this to happen, but that doesn't mean that I do this." He kissed her, gently, "And I'd be lying if I said that I didn't want it to happen again. Or that I didn't want to see you again. I do."

"John, you're a married man who is climbing the ranks in the Party. We can't ... "

"Do you want to see me again?" His heart raced, and he knew this was a bad idea; it had been a bad idea since he'd locked eyes with her at the beginning of the night. It didn't change the fact that it felt right.

She sighed. "Yes. Of course I do. But that doesn't mean that we can, and you know it." Her hand trailed down his body, under the blanket, and her own long fingers curled around him. She stroked and massaged and allowed herself these few hours of happiness. In the morning she'd be doing the walk of shame and praying the whole time that no one would recognize her in the hallways, but right now, this felt right. "The fact that this can't go on past the morning doesn't mean I'm leaving you alone tonight." He moaned and arched up into her hand. "What do you want me to do, John? Tell me."

"I want you to not run from me in the morning," he pulled her back to him and kissed her senseless. When their eyes met again, he rolled them over, again trapping her beneath him. "I mean it, CJ. I want to see you again." CJ was his perfect equal - in height, in bed, in education, in passion, in ambition. He loved his wife, but they weren't the eighteen-year-old high school sweethearts anymore. John knew that reality would come crashing down on his head when the sun rose, but right now he was willing to loose himself in CJ's touch. "CJ …?" he asked when she wouldn't answer.

"I don't want to think about tomorrow morning, John." She kissed him softly, ending the conversation.

"So, how was the party?" Suzanne flashed her husband a smile as he stumbled into the kitchen. The lack of children in their DC home allowed for his walking around in boxer shorts and nothing else, and it was a sight that still turned her on. After the way he'd touched her last night, full of a passion that had long ago left their marriage, she felt that maybe, just maybe, their lives were back on track.

"Which one?" He chuckled and kissed her neck, taking a deep breath of her lingering perfume. Suzanne's was different than CJ's, sweeter, and the differences unsettled his stomach. He knew, in his heart, that he needed to stop thinking about CJ. He knew that she was right, that if they were caught doing anything stupid it would be the end of both of their careers – especially her career. Women in politics, even women with doctorate degrees, never recovered from sex scandals.

"The one from the other night. This last one, in New York. Did you meet anyone interesting?" The odd feeling in her stomach had returned and she took a step back, examining her husband carefully.

"It was good." John turned away from her, unable to meet her eyes. He took a long sip of his coffee, allowing the caffeine to race through his veins – the surge of energy that CJ had given him had faded. "I had the chance to spend some time talking to CJ Cregg, she's the media director from EMILY's list."

"They gave a lot of money to your campaign," the room started to feel bigger for some reason; John seemed further away. "You didn't insult her did you? Give them a reason to not contribute again?" Her attempt at humor fell flat to both of them.

"Nah." John smiled and turned back to his wife, his nerves completely focused on Suzanne. What happened in New York, stayed there. Setting the coffee mug aside, he pulled her back against his body. "I've missed you, Suzie."

"I've missed you too, John." They kissed, but when Suzanne broke for air, and moved her lips to lavish attention on his neck, her eyes fell on a love bite she hadn't noticed before. The feeling came back, and she kissed the red spot, sucking at the bruised skin, trying to convince herself that she'd been the one to give it to him.

"Hey, CJ." Allison Madison knocked on CJ's office door as she entered. "I hear great things about the party. Did you just get in?"

"A few hours ago. I missed one of the shuttles because there was a mix-up with a few of the room rates and I had to spend time arguing with our contact at the hotel. Don't worry, we're all good and they want us back for the next one." CJ flashed a smile at her boss.

"You got it taken care of, that's the important thing. I want you on TV this weekend, talking about the fundraiser and the importance of what we can do. Also, do you have those series of releases I asked for?"

"Carol has them." CJ smiled. "I told her to hold onto them incase I got stuck in New York."

"Great. I'll get them when I walk out. But first, I have a favor to ask you. And I know that I already keep you running with the media work, but you're also my best political operative and the most liked within the Party. Your relationship with Toby Zeigler and Andrea Wyatt holds a lot of clout –"

"Allie," CJ put her pen down and laughed. "While I'll take the buttering up that you're giving me, something tells me that I'm going to need the time it's taking up. What do you want? You know I'll extend myself for you."

"That's what I was hoping you'd say." Allison handed over a thin manila folder. "The board held a meeting last weekend, as you know. We decided to put our full fundraising weight behind the future presidential run of Senator John Hoynes. It won't be for a few years, we know this, but he's a shining light for the Democrats. I want you to manage all of our work with him. He has practically no record on women's rights or gay rights and we need to change that. Get in there, work with him. Basically …"

"You want me to groom a presidential candidate." CJ silently congratulated herself for maintaining an air of professionalism.

"Yes." Allison gave her a smile. "If you think you can take it on. I wouldn't give it to anyone else, but this needs a media face. That's something you can handle better than anyone."

"You've got it." CJ forced a smile to her face, trying to hold her stomach in check. This was exactly what she wanted, an excuse to actually see John, but what could happen now? New York had just been one night. They couldn't start it up again. Could they? Could they? She'd had her cry; the flight back from New York was a blur of tears and tissues. By the time she'd walked into her office, she had been ready to forget that John Hoynes ever existed.

"Great. His office has received the information regarding our choices, but I'll leave it to you to set the schedule. Really dig in, CJ. We need to get this guy elected."

"Yeah," she continued to pretend to smile. "We do. I'll have Carol contact him today."

"Thanks again, CJ. I owe you. We'll send you to Bermuda or something for a conference." Allison winked and then slipped out the door, on her way to sweet talk someone else into taking on even more work.

Once CJ's office door closed, she let her hands start to shake. "John …" she whispered, still feeling how their bodies had moved together, his breath in her ear, and his good-bye kiss from their morning after. Could she do this? Could she really be professional with him now? "First things first, CJ." She set the file aside and turned back to her paperwork, trying to get it finished. Calling John would have to wait until she worked up the nerve to meet him as a professional equal and not the woman he'd been making love to just the other night. She didn't know if she could do this, but she'd promised Allie and now, through her, she'd promised the party. This had to be the top priority for the both of them. She'd have to just forget about the way he kissed her and the way he touched her and the butterflies in her stomach that told her that going to bed with him had been the right thing to do.

"Carol!" She smiled when the young assistant popped her head in. With shaking fingers, she handed over the file. "Can you set up a meeting with John Hoynes for me?"

"Sure. When?"

"At his earliest convenience. Preferably dinner."

"Your usual spot?" Carol scribbled a few notes that would find their way into John's file.

"No. Someplace quieter." CJ sighed and tried to keep her eyes on the paperwork from the fundraiser. "Out of the district. The guy is planning a presidential run, we don't need the rumors flying before we're ready."

"You got it." Carol grinned and ducked back out to her desk. CJ let out a breath. She could do this. She could help this man get elected president.

"Who was that?" Suzanne smiled over at her husband as he came into the bedroom.

John smiled, trying to cover the butterflies in his stomach. "My assistant. EMILY's list is looking to do some fundraising and I'm meeting with one of their operatives tomorrow night for dinner." He leaned over to kiss her before moving to undress. "It'll probably be a long dinner, so don't wait up. Hey, were we going to call the kids tonight, make sure they haven't killed the nanny?"

The worried butterflies in her stomach told Suzanne that something was wrong, but she couldn't place her finger on it. Even blaming them on the love bite wasn't enough, she couldn't be sure that she wasn't the one who gave it to him. John was many things, including a world-class flirt, but he'd never cheat on her. Never. He was better than that. "I'll go get the kids on the phone." She kissed his cheek and went out.

"Ms. Cregg?" John swallowed the butterflies as he approached the table and shook her hand. God, she looked amazing. He could tell she'd been going for conservative – a turtleneck under a concealing black suit, but she still looked stunning and he couldn't forget the silk of the skin under that suit.

"Senator. It's wonderful to see you again." CJ swallowed hard. He'd taken off his tie, but was still in a dark suit that accented every muscle – muscles she'd been missing since she'd walked away from him.

"Thank you." He sighed once she'd reclaimed her seat. "You … CJ …" he laughed. "Tell me this is as awkward for you as it is for me."

"It is." Carefully, she removed her glasses and looked at him. "What happened in that hotel room," she said softly, making sure no one could overhear, "has to stay there. We're back in the world's most visible gossip column and if anything gets out …"

"I know." But he continued to look into her eyes. "But I've been wanting to call you, to … CJ, if …"

"Stop it, John." Making a point, she handed over the file that Carol had spent the day putting together for him, "You're in the game now, EMILY's list is putting its weight behind you for a presidential run. You're in the game and the players can't shuffle around." It took every ounce of strength to not reach across the table and cover his hand with hers. "So, let's order dinner, which is on this rather high powered lobbyist, might I add." He laughed. "And then we'll get down to the business of your fundraising plans. You're going to be president someday, John."

He knew it. And he knew that she could help him get there, it just wasn't in the way he wanted. Was it possible to fall in love after only one night? "So, let's talk about the road, okay?" He did reach across the table to squeeze her hand, but it lasted only for a minute before he pulled back. Professional. They had to be professional.

To Be Continued …

Copyright April 2006


	3. Sex and Chanel No 5 Vol 1

**Fireflies**

**By Shauna Kayleen Brock**

_Pairing: Technically, this is CJ/OMC. But this chapter is all CJ/Hoynes and Hoynes/Suzanne. _

_Rating: I always label all of my stories **Mature/Adult** because I never know what's going to get written as the chapters go along._

_A/N: Okay, so we all know that CJ doesn't have a kid. But, as in all my writing, I do my best to keep the storyline as cannon as possible, so, I'm hoping that by the end of this, you'll have forgotten that Bethy is not cannon. _

_Also, While not songfic, the inspiration for this series came after listening to Tori Amos' "The Beekeeper" album, specifically, the song Ribbons Undone._

**Disclaimer:** _CJ Cregg is not mine, nor for that matter is Simon Donovan, Josh Lyman, Jed Bartlet, Toby Zeigler, or any of the other West Wing characters that show up in this story. Aaron Sorkin created those characters and John Wells currently owns the rights and I only get to take them out and play on occasion and I don't make any money doing it. Elizabeth Cregg, Michael Bell, and any other original characters, however, are mine. Please respect them as such – after all, I don't make any money with these characters either._

_**I decide to do something dangerous, rebellious, perhaps even blasphemous. I can no longer pray to God so I will pray to the Virgin Mary instead. This decision makes me nervous, as if I'm about to steal. My heart beats harder, my hands feel cold. I feel I'm about to get caught.**_

The Cat's Eye (Margaret Atwood, c. 1988)

**Chapter Two: Sex and Chanel No. 5 (Vol. 1)**

John's lips touched hers briefly, in fact, if anyone looked over to see them, they would think it nothing more than a peck on the cheek. They wouldn't see his fingers link with hers, or the look between the two of them as he pulled back. "I need to get home," he whispered.

CJ didn't say anything, she didn't need to, and speaking would ruin the moment between them. They'd said plenty at dinner, touched innocently across the table, laughed and looked into each other's eyes; they didn't need to speak right now. Not in this breath. Maybe the next. He told her everything with his eyes and she nodded, and squeezed his fingers, and stepped back, putting full professional distance between them. And then, she spoke, once the mood had changed and again there were valets and other restaurant patrons around them. "Good night, Senator." Her smile was, somehow, genuine. She didn't want to think that he was going home to make love to the woman who, by law, had the right to make love to him. "My office will be in touch with press schedules, agenda items, and meeting times."

"Thank you, CJ." John swallowed, hard, and knew that she could see the lump as it traveled down his throat. "I'm looking forward to working with your office."

"I am as well." She took a deep breath and let it out before sliding the business card she'd prepared into his hand. "This is how you can reach me if you have any questions. As a rule, my assistant, Carol, fields my phone calls and she's available from eight am to six pm. For anything out side of those hours, my personal information is on the back." The butterflies in her stomach threatened to make a physical appearance onto his shoes while the two of them waited for the valets to bring the cars around. She looked around for a minute, swearing she could hear the shuttle click of the cameras from _Roll Call_ and the _Enquirer_.

"Thank you." John slid the business card into his breast pocket. "My office will be in touch." His need to reach out and slip his hands onto her perfect waist was cut short by his car pulling up in front of them. Instead, he nodded his goodnight and left, before he made the mistake of asking if he could follow her home. He recognized her invitation and was ready to step through the open door; his heart raced as he drove home to his wife. This wasn't him, this wasn't who he was or what he was, this was insanity. He was married, happily, to a woman he loved. He was only attracted to CJ Cregg and their one night together in New York had been a mistake, one they both needed to forget.

A sorrowful "woof" greeted CJ as she came through the door. An aging cocker spaniel padded into the foyer, and somehow, despite his cataract-covered eyes, managed give her a look demanding to know where she'd been and whom she'd been with. "Hey, Arthur." Dropping her briefcase onto the floor, she knelt down to stroke his old head. "You want to wander down by the park and guard me from potential killers? I'm sorry I'm so late. I know you've had to wait, but I had dinner with that same man I told you about, the one from New York. Now don't lecture me, I know he's married. But you'd like him, Arthur, really. Okay, let me get your leash." Grabbing her mace along with his leash, CJ headed back outside into the late Arlington night. Arthur had been, at one time, a very good guard dog. Now, the fifteen-year-old dog could barely see past his own paws, and it broke CJ's heart. The time was coming for her to let him sleep forever, but she wasn't ready to say good-bye. Not yet. Tears dotted her eyes and she looked down, watching Arthur as he sniffed around a patch of grass. "You know what, dog, you depress me sometimes." He looked up at her, his mostly vacant eyes expressing his apologies, and he wandered back and nosed at her leg. He knew something else was bothering her. "Yeah, I know, it's silly to be upset over a guy you won't let into the apartment anyway … even if we could be together. Which we can't, so stop lecturing me." She chuckled, as Arthur seemed to shrug proudly and then wandered back to the patch of grass. He had yet to approve of any man, save for Toby, that CJ brought home and to his old dog ears, this guy problem was yet another incursion into his territory that he'd be able to chase away.

After pulling into the garage, John sat for a few minutes, thinking, letting the realization of what he was about to do sink in. When he'd walked into that party, he hadn't expected to meet _her. _He hadn't expected to look into those rich, painfully walled-up blue eyes and feel his heart race. He hadn't expected that kiss down in the garden to awaken feelings that he'd thought long dead. He hadn't expected for that night in New York to become more than a one-night thing. If he was a smart man, and John Hoynes knew that he wasn't when it came to women, he would go upstairs to his wife and make love to her. He would accept that night with CJ as a stress reliever, he would move on. But it was more than that. He'd looked into CJ's eyes each and every time she came, and they'd connected on a deeper level than he'd ever had with Suzanne. This wasn't just a one-night stand. He turned the business card over and over in his hands, looking at her name in perfect black, block print on the front: _Dr. CJ Cregg, PhD. Media Director, EMILY's List. 1120 Connecticut Avenue NW, Suite 1100, Washington, DC 20036, (202) 326-1400 ext 202; fax: (202) 326-1415; On the back, in purple pen, in her slightly askew handwriting: __home: (703) 324-4556; He could tell by the penmanship that she'd been scared when she wrote the numbers down, he could tell when she'd handed him the card that she was sharing his crisis. But she'd given him the card; she'd read his mind. Glancing skyward and asking God for forgiveness, he slipped the card back into his shirt pocket and tiptoed into the house._

CJ jumped when her phone rang. Padding out into the living room, she finished tying her hair up before answering. "Toby," she sighed, "if this is you, it's way too late and I'll talk to you about your cold feet regarding Andrea tomorrow."

"It isn't Toby." John closed the door to his study, whispering so he wouldn't wake Suzanne.

"John …" CJ bit her lip. She'd known what she was doing when she handed him that business card, but she hadn't expected him to call so quickly.

"I want to see you again, CJ. Away from work. I don't care if we have to use work as a cover, if that's how we get around it; I don't care how incredibly cheesy this sounds, I want to see you."

"John …" she felt the need to move into her bedroom and shut the door. Slowly, she crawled across the comforter and settled on her bed. Arthur protested, growling at the phone as she moved him aside, but after a minute snuggled down into a new spot, practically in CJ's lap. "I … I don't know what I was doing … I …"

"Yes, you did. We both did. Claudia …" his voice dropped even lower, "I want to see you again. I want to be with you again."

CJ took a deep breath. "Carol will call your assistant tomorrow, we'll set up a late dinner to discuss specific details of financing." She ran her hand down the front of her body, both trying to calm her nerves and remembering the way his fingers made her feel. "I want to see you too. God, I want to see you too."

"Tomorrow night. Suzanne is flying back to—"

"No." CJ cut him off. "We aren't going to already start talking about sneaking around behind your wife's back. Not yet. Not until …" she rolled her eyes skyward, "I sound like a character from a Danielle Steele novel."

"You are one." He laughed. "But so am I."

"John …" CJ sighed, "this is a really, really bad idea."

"I know. But it feels right to me. I don't get it, but it does."

"It feels right to me too. It's why I went back to your room with you. But it's still a really, really bad idea." Her hand toyed with the edge of her panties as she thought about his touch and what his tongue was capable of doing.

"I know." He repeated. Closing his eyes, he envisioned her lying there, naked, gasping his name as he moved inside of her, it was enough to tempt him to ask for her address and run right over there. But common sense ruled out. "I'm hanging up now. I'll talk to you tomorrow."

"Tomorrow night." She sighed. "Good night, John."

He looked at the phone for a long time before making his way slowly into his and Suzanne's bedroom. Suzanne lay on her side, the sheet up over her shoulder, her long hair braided tightly to one side. From the angle of her hands, he could tell she'd fallen asleep reading, and barely been able to reach up to turn off the lamp. What was he thinking?

Carefully, he shed his jacket and tossed it into the clothes hamper, wondering if Suzanne could smell his guilt along with CJ's perfume. The other woman's soft scent lingered in his nostrils, tantalizing him, daring him to do what he swore he'd never do.

"You were right, it did run late. It's after midnight." Suzanne sat up and looked through the dim room to her husband's silhouette. Something was changing about him.

"I'm sorry, Suzie." Taking care to change and finish getting ready for bed, John took his time before joining Suzanne. Her touch against his chest was gentle, but demanded he remember just who she was in his life.

Letting her fingers gently scratch at John's chest, Suzanne took a deep breath, expecting her husband's strong scent to fill the air. Instead it was weaker, covered over by a heavy dose of Chanel No. 5. "It's all right, John." She nipped his neck, staking her claim through the other woman's perfume. "But it is late and I have a flight tomorrow. Think we could talk later? It's going to be a while before we see each other again …" As his body reacted to hers, Suzanne let her insecurities slip away. She wouldn't be this jealous if his new fundraiser was a man. But this person wasn't, and she could tell by the way John carried himself that he thought this woman was beautiful, and she could tell by the way he'd shed his jacket that the woman's perfume lingered where it shouldn't, and she could tell that there was something John wasn't daring to tell her. Chanel No, 5. The perfume, she felt, of whores and cheap sluts who wanted to pretend they were better than they really were. She could smell it across a room, and her husband had come home with it on his clothes twice now in just a few days. Suzanne had every right to be jealous and she pushed her husband back into the mattress and took complete advantage of his body. He was hers, and before she left to return to Texas and their children and the life they'd had together before Washington, she would leave her own mark on him, a mark that the woman who wore Chanel No. 5 couldn't erase.

John had to catch his breath when CJ opened the door. She stood before him, dressed appropriately enough for a business dinner in her home, but he knew she'd worn what she had just for him. The black flared pants rested low on her hips, the blouse was low cut – low enough that all he had to do was push it to the side. "Good evening, Ms. Cregg." He smiled, trying to appear professional to anyone who might see him entering her home. But once the door was locked, with him on the other side, the story was completely different. "Tell me that this isn't how you greet all your clients," he murmured into her ear, in between kisses to her neck.

"Shut up." CJ giggled and let him pin her back against the door. They did have to work. She was, at some point, going to have to put in billable hours, but it felt good to have his arms around her and his lips making love to her. Food could wait, work could wait, right now, she wanted everything she'd been missing for these few days.

"CJ …" John tugged her shirt over her head and went after her breasts, not even bothering to move the flimsy lace of her bra aside as he teased her nipples. "I'll take you right here up against your door, but I'd love to see your bedroom." CJ ducked out from under his arms and led the way down the hall. Halfway there, Arthur stopped them. He looked up at John, sniffed at his shoes, and then continued on to the couch.

"Well," CJ turned in his arms to kiss him again, "you must be special. Arthur doesn't approve of anyone I bring home."

"I'll remember that. If your dog approves …" he chuckled as she found her way into his arms again and he realized that they'd reached her bed. They stopped talking and focused on each other, bodies moving in perfect tandem as clothes fell to the floor and they collapsed onto her comforter, breathing together, gasping together. It was too much to take at first and he slipped into her body, stilling as she gasped at his intrusion. From the living room, Arthur barked once, a warning it seemed, and as John began to move, peace settled in the home, the silence interrupted only by muted cries from the lovers as they moved each other toward climax. And as before, as they came, their eyes met and the connection forged even deeper.

CJ arched up against him, her eyes still locked with his, their fingers linking tightly as she cried his name. He'd removed his wedding ring.

"Claudia …" he moaned, collapsing into her as she arched against him. Her legs tightened, pulling him closer, and he linked their fingers, wondering if he squeezed hard enough, could he pass what he was feeling into her body.

It took several moments for their heartbeats to still before he dared to roll off her. So matched were their bodies that he felt comfortable laying there, covering her body with his, holding her tightly while they found their way back to Earth. Slowly, he moved, reaching down to pull the soft comforter over them. CJ curled back up against him, rubbing her foot against his leg.

"This could be trouble, John." She closed her eyes as his arms tightened around her.

"It is." He nuzzled her neck, smelling their combined scent on her body. "It already is."

"Where are we going from here? Should we even analyze it … should …"

"Don't think about that right now, Claudia. Just don't."

She took his hint and changed the subject. "I usually shoot people for calling me Claudia."

"It fits you. CJ is for playful and professional, Claudia is for moments like these."

She rolled her eyes; getting used to his cornball routine was going to take a while. "Well, whatever moments like these are … I like this. I like _it_."

"So do I." He snuggled closer. "So we don't think. Not yet, not right now. Deal?"

"Deal."

"Can I stay the night?" He kissed her neck again.

She knew her answer was a bad idea, and she wanted to chalk it up to loneliness and the afterglow in the moment, but it was more than that. She _wanted_ John to stay. "Of course," she whispered.

"Hola, Madam Hoynes." The warm smile from the woman, a woman Suzanne was sure was illegal, made Suzanne's stomach turn. She never trusted green-cards, always completely sure that someone was going to show up with documents stating that her entire staff was here on forged papers. _FYI_ would be the end of her husband's career. "Welcome back," the accent still rolled over her jetlagged body. "Senor Hoynes is in his study with Madam Cregg. They are almost done, he asked me to help you get settled."

"Madam Cregg?" Suzanne turned, slowly, the jet lag falling away. "Who …" The name seemed vaguely familiar, but more than the name echoing in her ears was the smell, the lingering scent of Chanel No. 5. "Madam Cregg?" She repeated, wondering, worried, confused at the smell and the comfort with which Maria spoke the name. She'd been away six weeks, six small weeks to be with the children, and her housekeeper was already familiar with 'Madam Cregg'?

"Si, Senora. Madam Cregg. She is working with Senor Hoynes." The plump, graying woman took her boss' coat and nodded to the study. "They are in the study, Madam Hoynes, but your husband asked they not be disturbed."

"Of course he did. That's all right, Maria, I'm still going to put my head in and say hello, it's only polite. Would you mind drawing a bath for me? It was a long flight and I could use some relaxation before dinner. Do I have time before dinner to relax?"

"Of course, Madam. I will get that going right away."

Suzanne counted to ten, slowly, before walking to the door of her husband's study. Rarely did she breech the barrier between home and work. Leaving John alone in the small, well decorated room allowed him to emerge and be completely with her and the boys when they were all together. His home office allowed him the chance to entertain potential donors, as well as bring his staff here, to work. As his influence in the Senate building grew, so did his time away from the house – having him here gave her a bit of peace. Having beautiful women cross his threshold never bothered her. After all, women were making inroads into politics and John never brought them into the family's personal space. But, something was different about this staffer, this woman. Maybe it was because Maria had never bothered to address any of them by name before. Maria had never had cause to address any of them by name before. No, this was different. She didn't know if Maria was covering for something her husband was doing, or if it was simply because a woman was finally John's newest favorite staffer, but something was nagging at her. As she walked to the study, she started to think back, and wonder if Maria had ever addressed any of the men by name.

"Really, you can't think that the proposal to end capital gains taxes is a good one, CJ."

"Of course I don't. I also know that we can gain a lot more ground if we just get rid of the tax and look at other ways of funding appropriated programs."

"Like gas taxes?"

"Like gas taxes and estate taxes and taxes on real income. Also, if we cut the subsidies to the biggest of the companies …"

"Oil."

"Oil being one of them."

"You know, CJ, you keep talking like this and I'm going to have to throw you out and remind you who pays your salary."

"EMILY's list pays my salary and just because you have an oil ranch doesn't mean you know everything. Anyway, the oil that you have on your property is cheaper, is refined by American companies that do not buy their oil from overseas – even if they do get it also from Canada, and you're also looking into the oil shale reserves in the Midwest. You aren't the one, personally, funding the instability of the Middle East."

"Are you defending me because you're hoping to be made campaign chairwoman, or are you defending me because you like me?" John laughed and chucked an eraser head at his lover.

"Honestly, I'm not sure." CJ caught the eraser head and chucked it back at him. "And who said I liked you? I'm paid to like you. I'd compare it to prostitution, but there are a lot of clients I have whom I'm paid to like and if I'm a prostitute for all of them, I'll just feel like a slut."

The small crack between the doorjamb and the door allowed the scent of Chanel No. 5 to waft into the hall. The woman's almost raucous laughter carried out of the room and when Suzanne pushed the heavy oak barrier aside, she found her husband leaning back in a chair against his desk, and a long legged woman with her feet up on the small table. The couch cushions swallowed her up, but Suzanne could tell the fingers were long and perfectly kept, and her feet – which were bare –were obviously perfectly pedicured. The long legs were covered in conservative black pants. Nothing seemed suspicious or out of place. The two were discussing politics and finances. That was where she knew the name – this was the woman from EMILY's list. No, nothing seemed out of place, nothing except the smell of Chanel No. 5 in her husband's office. The smell wasn't strong, but it was enough to cover something – and her mind crafted the smell of sex, the smell of her husbands musk mingled with this woman's own scent. Sex. Chanel No. 5. That was what was out of place. But it all looked innocent and the door was open and it was clear they had been working for hours. She was paranoid. She had to be. Six weeks was enough time for Maria to become friendly with a staffer.

"John?" She pushed the door open and took a good look around, without making it obvious that she was taking a good look around. John's jacket was over the back of his chair, the woman's next to her on the couch. Even John's tie was perfectly in place, and the woman's blouse was unbuttoned rather low, but that was the style with many women today. "I know that you're working but I wanted to tell you I was home."

"Suzanne." The smile he bestowed upon her was her smile, the smile he had been giving to her since their junior year in high school when he was the star baseball player and she was the head of the JV cheerleading squad and he'd asked her to homecoming. Her smile, her John, she was just paranoid. Yes, paranoid because she'd spent six weeks on an oil and cattle ranch in West Texas and her husband had been here with this woman whom Maria called Madam Cregg. She was paranoid and territorial. "You haven't met CJ yet. Suzanne, this is Claudia Jean Cregg, she's the head of media relations at EMILY's list and my liaison to them. I'm trying to convince her to leave them and come join my team full time."

"It's wonderful to meet you, Claudia. And from the skills of EMILY's list, I'm sure that if you brought your expertise to John we'd have the White House in a lock."

"Well, I'll admit that it is a tempting offer." CJ continued to smile, forcing herself to appear cool and professional and hoping that Suzanne couldn't see through her sudden discomfort.

Suzanne's alarm bells started to sound again and her hand tightened around the intruder's and she found she couldn't speak for a minute. The other woman's hand was warm, too warm, and friendly to a fault. Claudia Jean Cregg was too comfortable in this room, and with the offer John was making about joining his staff.

CJ filled in the sudden gap in conversation. "It's wonderful to finally meet you, Mrs. Hoynes. Please, call me CJ. Claudia makes me sound like I'm back in Ohio waiting tables." Her eyes diverted to her toes, forced away from looking back over her shoulder at John. She couldn't tell this other woman that John called her "Claudia".

Suzanne froze as their hands separated. Something was going on, it had to be.

The connection between the women was too complete – they shared more than affection for John Hoynes.

"I should get going, I really didn't realize just how late it was. Senator …"

She said the title too smoothly.

"…It was a pleasure as always and my office will fax these numbers over tomorrow."

She shouldered her jacket.

"Mrs. Hoynes, really, it was a pleasure to finally meet face to face."

"You as well, Claudia." CJ was too informal; CJ meant she could accept what her husband was doing with this woman. "I'm sure we'll be seeing you soon."

"I'm sure. Good night to both of you."

CJ left in a cloud of Chanel No. 5. Suzanne wrapped her arms around her husband and kissed him. "Maria drew a bath for me. Come upstairs and let me tell you about the kids. They miss you."

CJ giggled while she reached across John for the last slice of pizza. This binge session meant an extra hour at the gym, but it was worth it to just be sitting, enjoying this time with him. For a minute, she could allow herself to imagine that they were normal lovers, sharing the best pizza she'd ever tasted. How had she managed to live here for so long and not know about this place? "That one is mine!"

"Hey, I bought dinner!" He laughed and tackled her back onto the couch, enjoying how casual everything was today. Right now, she wasn't his mistress, she was his girlfriend and they were enjoying the X-Files marathon on Fox. Everything was normal, comfortable. And he'd let her have the slice of pizza, but she'd have to endure his groping her first. "When do I get dessert?"

"You really are the horniest man in the world, you know that, right? And there's ice cream in the freezer if you're wanting sweet stuff." She turned her head to the side, catching a glimpse of David Duchovny on the TV screen. "What are we watching again?"

With a chuckle, John let her up and reached over to get the pizza for her. "The X-Files. You're a PR specialist and you don't know pop culture? By the way, it's hard to fondle you through jeans, you know that, right?"

"I'm a _political _PR specialist and I thought you liked me in jeans." CJ leaned back into the couch and propped her feet up on the coffee table. John fed her the pizza slice, after stealing a bite for himself.

"I _like_ you in anything, I _prefer_ you naked and on top of me." He kissed away a bit of stray sauce from the side of her mouth.

"You know," CJ ran her hand down his chest, toying with the buttons on his shirt. "It's amazing that we don't get caught."

"Okay, you know, I always have a good time until you start feeling guilty." He sighed and stared at the TV for a long minute, watching Gillian Anderson's muted mouth argue with David Duchovny's pouty face. For an instant he glimpsed the future, a future with CJ and away from guilt and it felt wonderful. Feeling her start to shift away from him, John turned and took her hand, "Claudia, say the word. I'll leave Suzanne, you know that I will, right?"

"John, we've been sneaking around like this for two months. The rush is still what's fueling us. I am not going to have you ruin your career over something that might fall apart the minute you leave your wife." She stared at commercials for the new line of Ford SUVs, trying to work out her feelings. Until January, she hadn't been a woman who did things like this; she'd been a woman who condemned women for doing exactly what she was doing.

"You think we'd fall apart the minute I left Suzanne?"

CJ could hear the hurt in his voice, but she had to be honest with him. "I don't know." She looked into his eyes. "I wish I knew the answer to that, it's what would make me know what to do with us. But you've been married for how long? Since you graduated high school? You have kids! You have a very visible career! There are … implications … to what we're discussing. I'm your mistress, John. Days like this one, where we hang out and relax don't change the fact that you've got a wife and kids and a life that doesn't, and shouldn't, include me. Do I think that we could be happy together? Yes. But there's also a reality outside that door and it's a reality I'm faced with a hell of a lot more than you because I'm a woman. You can recover if we're discovered. I would become the joke on Jay Leno."

Silence met her words and minutes dragged on before John gathered her close "I know. I don't like it, but I know it. I'm not saying that I'll move out tomorrow, I'm saying it's on my mind. We're more than a fling, CJ."

She let his lips capture hers in a gentle kiss. "I know we are. But we aren't enough for you to change your entire life over. Not yet. It's still all about the sex and the passion; we haven't even had a_ real_ fight yet. Talk to me about longevity after I throw you out on your ass the first time." Arthur's punctuating "woof" made both of them laugh.

Suzanne frowned as she came into the house. That feeling was back, the one from January, the one from the day she'd met CJ for the first time, the one from last month when the whole family had gone to the EMILY's list party, the one from earlier this week when John had called to say he was going to miss dinner because of work at the office. Laughter drew her to her husband's study, and she peeked in, wanting to catch him in the act of … something. What she found was CJ leaning back on the couch, leafing through recent photographs of John and looking totally professional. John, for his part, was vetoing photos she handed to him.

"Suzanne!" John had heard the front door open and close, "Is that you, honey?"

Forcing a smile to her face, Suzanne opened the door to the study but didn't come inside. "Yes, I'm home. Just now. Hello, Claudia. I didn't realize you'd be here."

"Hi, Mrs. Hoynes." CJ swallowed the butterflies in her stomach and smiled warmly at John's wife. It was always nerve racking, being face to face with this other woman, yet somehow, slowly, it was getting easier. "It was a bit of an impulse. We were able to get some new publicity shots done of the Senator."

"Isn't it a bit early to be doing a push like this?" The scent of the other woman's perfume was strong, fresh. The impulse had been something other than publicity shots, but she had to pride both of them on their creativity. In any other world, her friends would be looking at her strangely and waiting for her to figure it out. Her friends had no idea, but she knew. She knew. She just wished she had evidence.

"It's a good time in the fiscal cycle to get some hard money into the coffers. We let it sit and gain interest and then when we actually need to start campaigning, we have money for both yours and your husband's campaign work."

"Ahh yes, my own campaign work. Part of me had forgotten I'd be doing that." Suzanne eyed her carefully. She had no reason to feel anything but powerful when standing next to CJ Cregg. Both of them were tall, well groomed women who were revered in socialite society. Both of them could make men's hearts stop. And both of them, she knew, were fucking her husband.

"It's easy to put out of your mind, I know. Actually, if it's all right, I would like to set up some time for photographs of the whole family to be taken. Especially some of you, Mrs. Hoynes." CJ bent and gathered her files. Suzanne watched her husband's response, wanting to find any hint of a roving eye or a shift in his body language, but he just laughed and helped her with her files and focused on the photographs. It was all perfectly professional; professional enough to almost convince her that she was insane and this feeling was all based in territorial instincts and fear. CJ was exactly the kind of woman her husband would have married, had he not married her. Her attention shifted as she heard CJ speaking again. Even the hand that was placed on John's upper arm came across as innocent. "Senator, I'll see you next week sometime, Carol will call your office. And," she offered a warm smile to Suzanne, "I really would love to set up some time. Can I have my assistant give you a call?"

"Of course, Claudia," Suzanne replied smoothly. "We'll be in touch."

"Great." CJ smiled at both of them, "I'll see you later." She couldn't escape the house fast enough.

Suzanne waited until the front door closed behind the other woman before rolling her eyes. "You know, I never come in here. I'll just have to change that policy."

He narrowed his eyes at her. Did she suspect? "Suzanne, it's just CJ."

"Yes, the woman who is going to get you elected President. Do me a favor and when you do win, please don't make her Chief of Staff. She's smart and she's talented but I just don't know if I could handle you seeing more of her than me." She looked at her husband again and sighed, seeing the hurt in his eyes at her tone. Maybe she really was paranoid. "Look, I'm sorry, but I'm jealous. She has you wrapped around her finger and the Presidential campaigning doesn't even start for years. Not in earnest."

"Suzanne, we've talked about this."

"And I'm behind you, I always will be." She stepped back from the door; the smell of Chanel No. 5 was just a bit much. "I'm going to go check on how far along dinner is. Why don't you finish up whatever you need to finish up and maybe then we can give your children a call. It's been a couple of days since you had the time to talk to them."

"Suzanne suspects." CJ settled her head onto his chest, listening to the strong thump of his heart.

"I know." John trailed his fingers through her hair. The late afternoon sun filtered through her blinds, casting rose shadows around the bedroom. Saturday afternoon, he'd come straight here after dropping Suzanne off at the airport, and found comfort just in curling up next to CJ. "She's barely spoken to me since the other night."

"John …"

"CJ, I'm going to mention something and I want you to not hit me or threaten to kill me or even throw me out, like you keep threatening to do every time I mention it. I want you to be honest with me about how you feel." He looked down as she looked up, and their eyes met. "I mean it. And no matter your answer, it doesn't change how I feel about you."

"Stop rambling, John." She knew what he was going to bring up and she needed to shoot it down, and quickly.

"What would your reaction be if I filed for separation from Suzanne? I've brought this up before, but CJ, it's time to actually think about it. I file for separation and we cool ourselves off for a couple of months … then we can slowly dip into the pool … it lets us be together. Like we want to be."

"John …"

"It's not hypothetical. How would you feel?"

CJ pulled away, tears in her eyes. "You're serious this time."

"Deadly."

"John!" Tears choked her. "You don't want to do this!"

"I don't know if I want to do it, CJ!" He reached up and stroked her cheek. "I do know that I haven't felt this alive in years. I know that I came over here this afternoon and I'm lying right here with you on your bed, fully clothed, and this is happiness. It's more than listening to the way you call my name or loving the way you touch me. It's more than the excitement of clandestine sex tucked away after dinner … it's us. It's how you tell me in one breath that I make too much money for a Democrat and in the next breath tell me that you'd happily support me proposing a capital gains tax, or better, yet a gas tax. A tax, by the way, that will kill any hope for a Presidential run. I know that I love the way you are a true-blue Democrat, more so than the party has seen in a long time and yet you can't stand Affirmative Action or the ERA. I know that when we're together, I feel like I have a purpose again. I know you would make an amazing First Lady. I know that I'm in love with you."

"John …" CJ touched his cheek. "You married Suzanne. And if you hadn't married Suzanne and we'd met at that party in January we could be talking seriously about my being at your side when you run for President. You don't think I want that too? When I wake up alone, I want you here! When I think of a ring on my hand, I want you to be the one to put it there! But, John, you married Suzanne. And you want to be President. And if you leave your wife now and show up with me in public a year later, even the hint of the scandal it will be, and trust me I can spin a scandal but it will still be one, that scandal will end your Presidential ambitions. We've had this talk in the hypothetical, now we're having it for real. This will ruin you. I will ruin you. And we already know that we can't keep up what we're doing … you're going to be running for President in a couple of years and I fully intend to be working that campaign, and we won't have the ability to sneak away to your suite to do what we do so well. But if you stay with Suzanne, you can achieve your dream. If you didn't want to be President, you could leave her. But I know your heart. When you make love, when you eat, when you sleep, when you breathe, you want to be President. You can't do that with Suzanne suspecting what she suspects and me hanging on your arm." He'd said it, said those words, words she'd been fighting against.

"CJ …" He sighed and covered her hand with his. She was right, and he hated it. "So in other words, we go until we have to break up? And then we're supposed to just be able to work together?" He'd noticed she hadn't repeated the words back to him, and it stung more than he wanted to admit. Did she really not feel the same way?

"Yeah." She buried her face in his chest, inhaling his scent, trying to shake the desperate tears from her eyes.

"Any other advice for me?" He knew he was distant, but it hurt. He'd risked so much to dare to fall in love with her, and she didn't feel the same way?

"Hire Josh Lyman. Steal him away from his work as floor manager for the House. If anyone can help get you elected, it's him."

"You're saying that because you don't know if you will be there when I start running." His heart started to sink.

"If there is any hint of a scandal …" She blinked back tears. "I won't ruin your career, John."

"You could save my career, CJ."

"No." She leaned down to kiss him. "That's where you're a complete and total idiot."

"I love you," he whispered when they broke for air, hoping against hope she would return the words.

"I love you, too." The words slipped out before she could think about them. "And it's why I can't let you do this. It's why we need to love each other now, because there's going to be a point where it has to end between us. You're going to be President someday and I'm going to keep working for groups like EMILY's list."

"Why can't you be on my staff?"

"Because we can't keep our hands off each other and we won't be able to work together platonically. We've proved that. Yes, I have dreams of being your Chief of Staff, but hire Josh. He'll do good by you."

His arms tightened around her and he sighed. "You aren't leaving me yet, right?"

"Did I say I was? I'm going to live in this fantasy world where Suzanne doesn't really exist, and I'm going to drag it out as long as possible."

"Shouldn't we end it now, before we're in so deep …"

"We're already in deep, John. We're in love." She moved her head back to his chest. His heartbeat had sped up. "Let's not … just … don't mention it again, John. Please. We aren't ready to have the "what happens next" conversation … not yet. Because what happens next …"

"I know." His fingers caressed through her hair. "God …"

"I want you to leave her," CJ whispered. "I'll admit that. But I want you to be President more. And you want to be President more. But that you even consider it … it means a lot to me."

"Claudia …" He nibbled at her neck, tasting sweat and tears and Chanel No. 5. He'd learned that scent; he loved how it fit her just perfectly. It was sweet and strong and eternal, just like she was. "I …"

"I know." She kissed him. "I know. So just make love to me right now. We'll figure the rest of it out later, because if we try now, it's going to break both our hearts."

"It's going to break our hearts anyway."

"I know."

"So I should just make love to you, and cherish that my wife is back in Texas for the next six weeks?"

"Yes."

He knew she was right, and he loved her for it and he hated the fact that he'd married his high school sweetheart. He didn't like that he was still in love with Suzanne, even while being in love with CJ. He knew the smart thing was to get off the bed and break it off and ask her to transfer his file to someone else at EMILY's list. Instead, he kissed CJ and told her he loved her and snuggled her as she responded in kind.

He pulled her t-shirt over her head, and obeyed her earlier request with a soft, gentle slowness. This was going to end, and it wouldn't end well, so they needed to enjoy every last second they had together. He _was_ going to the White House someday, but not with CJ at his side. But for the next six weeks, Suzanne was in Texas with the boys and he could focus on this, right here, right in front of him.

_To Be Continued …_

_Story Copyright May 2006 _


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